So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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