the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
