If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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