So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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