I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
