Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i think i just lost a toe
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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