Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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