Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
