my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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