It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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