the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love having hate sex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
