My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
