so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
