11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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