My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
