Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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