Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
