Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
