just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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