bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
