I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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