Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
