fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
