I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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