guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
