I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
