What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
