Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
