I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
