you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
