I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
