I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
