At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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