I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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