I am puke
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
