i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
