I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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