And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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