I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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