cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
