Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So many bounce houses so little time
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
