Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A+ Viking dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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