How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
