There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
