His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
