Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Screwed.edu
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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