toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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