People in love make me want to vomit
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
