So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
