He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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