drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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