She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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