And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
