yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
