just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were trust falling into bushes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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