Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
