Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
