i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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