I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
