I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
