Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize