Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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