Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
