sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
