My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
