Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
