I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
