just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
